My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
