I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
