I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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