oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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