Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
