and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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