And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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