When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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