I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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