Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
