I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
