She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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