When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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