I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
