Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize