i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
