I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
