I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
