Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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