Pappa wants mamma naked
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
