finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
