i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working