i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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