This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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