I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
