Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
