So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
