i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
