I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
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I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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