And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i barfeds in our rink
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize