I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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