im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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