you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
