Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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