Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
