Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize