I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
