im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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