Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
