I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
