i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
