Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
