Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
