Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
