kristin has been a bad kristin
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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