You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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