Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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