meet me or not, i'm out of control
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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