wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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