OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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