If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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