He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
