I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
