just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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