brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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