I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
