we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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