Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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