Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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