Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This house was built for laser tag.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
As shirtless as possible
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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