this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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